I hate to be the one who has to bring up “social justice” and everything else that can of worms entails but honestly, being a woman should automatically make you a feminist (because who doesn’t want basic human rights, right?). This post is titled Something I’m Sure People Are Sick Of because I’m half expecting to get comments like “shut up feminist scum” or “you’re being anti-feminist by posting this” but I really don’t care. This is my blog, folks! I’m bringing this up because being ugly brings forth a whole range of experiences that encompasses many different issues like self-image, interpersonal relationships, and would you look at that, feminist views as well.
The question I want to ask is: Why should being ugly make me hate pretty women?
Of course there’s wanting and not wanting to hate other women based on your own perceived attractiveness and I’ll cover both.
The first scenario I want to present is this, I’m ugly and I know this because the other woman across from me attracts more men which makes me resent her. But why? Why does her being prettier than me cause me to direct these ill feelings onto her? Perhaps it’s because it’s my own way of coping; I’m angry at her because my own self-esteem is rock bottom. Maybe it’s a competition thing, like some kind of Darwinist reality where the pretty women have better genes so they attract more mates, thus stopping me from my core purpose to reproduce and continue the line (I’m being sarcastic here). When it comes down to it, there really shouldn’t be a reason why I would hate some unsuspecting woman just because she has better looks than me. Sure, there’s always going to be some envy there because we all want things that we don’t have, but actively hating? Hating?! It’s childish and stupid and I’m being absolutely hypocritical because I’ve had my own share of locking myself up in my room and cursing the prettiest girl I know to hell and back. I’m trying so hard to change so I know how exhausting this may sound especially when blaming others for your ugliness is so much easier than accepting it and being reminded of it everyday.
Just to be clear this isn’t some inspirational post (this entire blog really isn’t either). I still am ugly and no amount of having a “pretty personality” changes my real life, honest-to-God appearance. Just to be clear.
So for every one of you who find themselves in scenario one, please, just stop. Instead of judging someone for their looks (and isn’t that just ironic), let’s all agree to focus our energy into something more worthwhile. Like getting a new hobby. I heard speedminton is crazy right now.
In scenario two you don’t actively hate other women who are physically better looking than you but you can’t help the rising feeling of not being good enough. The thought of “maybe if women like them didn’t exist I’d be prettier” floats through your head but ultimately you dismiss it as wishful thinking. I want you to stop right there and ask yourself why exactly you feel so shitty, especially over something you’ve come to terms with and have no control over.
See, a large portion of why an ugly woman’s self-esteem is lower than the NHL’s ratings during the Superbowl is because of the media. I know, I know, “here we go, the feminist is blaming the media as if it isn’t mostly women coming up with and publishing these unreachable female body standards”. I’ve heard it all before but the truth is, media and society force us women to compete, antagonize, and judge each other. Why does every film have two girls fighting over one guy? Why does the “nerdy, uncool” girl have to upstage the “preppy, snooty” cheerleader to gain friends?
I’m glad that we’re finally (albeit slowly) moving on from these clichés and started showing more healthy relationships between women but it doesn’t change the fact that for most of us, we’ve been forced to see or participate in something that makes us be so mean to other women. It’s like we’ve forcibly gained some kind of “I hate other women!!!” reflex and it’s not like a habit where we can just wave it off and say “old habits die hard” or something.
I’ve been trying to change my ways, in the midst of learning to love myself and my ugliness, because I’m not the only ugly girl out there in the world. There are others going through the same thing so let’s just all collectively throw in the towel, pat each other on the butts, and be nice to one another.